


if i knew

by cjcjc



Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-02
Updated: 2017-09-02
Packaged: 2018-12-23 02:28:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,234
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11980149
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cjcjc/pseuds/cjcjc
Summary: Bill visits Gravity Falls and realises there's something missing; but the stretch of the treeline's the same and the dreary little town hasn't moved an inch.So what's missing?





	if i knew

**Author's Note:**

> I was meant to update bfb and yak but instead did this because it's one of my favourite songs so pls take this as consolation
> 
> Schools starts this Tuesday 

He's fully aware of everything that he has done. From the moment he decided right up to the second before he took action. He wasn't the type to settle, but that was when he was young and stupid. Back when he thought he knew it all and walked around with an air of pride, head held up high, chin pointed and his chest puffed out.

He thought he knew it all.

He had a pretty little thing on the side. He can remember the first time he saw him, seventeen and sitting at the bar of the diner, mindlessly reading a book and drinking a pink milkshake.

Bill remembers vividly.

He recalls arrogantly plucking the cherry from the whipped cream and popping it into his mouth. The boy would later retrieve it when Bill pushed him against the alley wall with his hands on either side of the boy's head and kissing him deeply.

All he knows is that the boy's mouth looked as glossy and red as that cherry did when Bill left him gasping.

Bill strolls into the diner for the first time in a while. He had left the city to venture out and find a job, but he isn't the type to settle and found himself back home in the dreary old place. Everything seemed to be as they were but he feels like as if he had moved forward while his little town stayed as it was.

Or so he thought.

Dipper was his name. Bill thought it was ludicrous at the time but loved him all the same. He remembers sitting on the ledge of a shack and watching the moon slowly sleep and the sun wake. He can almost see the stars and the stretch of the tree line while wrapping an arm around Dipper's shoulders.

He remembers kissing a constellation and his chest setting alight, threatening to glow brighter than the sun.

He shakes his head and leaves the diner to wander through town. The shops haven't changed apart from the slightly updated electronics sitting in the windows, staring at him as he lazily strides past them.

For a passing moment Bill swears he sees someone else in the reflection walking next to him.

His brain supplies him with memories of slinging a lazy arm around Dipper's shoulders and sprinting through the streets chasing after nothing. His chest almost aches as if he lost his breath and imagines himself catching it back while lying on a grassy plane. His eyes sting recalling the way the sun would burn his eyes through the thin leaves of a pine tree.

Bill finds himself back at the forest, meandering around the trees and retracing steps buried deep into the forest floor. Except he's following only one track when there should be two.

He bends over and circles his forefinger in the lake. Bill smiles gently to himself and it's as if he can see Dipper waist deep in it. His hair sopping wet and curling over his eyes. A vice tightens around his heart thinking about the way Dipper used to smile at him.

Thinking about the way Dipper used to kiss him.

Bill stands up and starts to head to the shack. He stumbles across a tree where he'd taken out a Swiss Army knife and carved it. He ended up slicing his thumb, index and middle fingers. Dipper shook his head and took him back to the shack to bandage up his fingers.

It ended up needing stitches at the hospital.

That didn't stop Bill pushing Dipper down into the mattress and exploring the expanse of Dipper's body with a tender hand. It didn't stop his fingers from curling possesively around the hairs at Dipper's nape when someone gazed at him too long. The fresh stitches didn't stop him from clutching onto Dipper's hips when they danced.

Nothing could.

Someone did.

Bill knows damn well despite pushing the memory away. Shoving the regret somewhere deep inside and storing it under lock and key. He threw that key a long time ago but it still managed to submerge whenever he least needed it.

She was a pretty thing, everybody knew that and everybody knew her name; Natalie. Green eyes and sleek black hair that reached her pinched waist. He wished those stitches could've stopped him from grabbing her waist and cupping her face.

He needed more after that.

It was compelling, he had to admit. The chase he always seeked for was right there and many followed. They left one way or another but were quickly replaced.

Bill reaches the shack. It looks worse for wear but he knows the maintenance guy isn't exactly equipped or much of a fixer-upper. He looks up at the ledge with hope thrumming in his fingertips but to no avail. It was a long shot anyway.

Countless, he thinks, the many moments he shared with Dipper up on that ledge. From their first kiss to their last. He can't stow that away in a box in his head.

His eyes shut briefly as his brows scrunch together. Too many, he thinks, he needs to leave it behind.

He leaves the grounds and makes his way to the town hall. Everyone's celebrating and it's a coincidence he made it back in town in time for the event.

Bill strolls in with a lingering air of what he used to be. A few people come up and ask him how he was, how life was like out of Gravity Falls and it unexpectedly fills him with a sense of nostalgia filtering through familiar faces.

He's different now, older and more mature. Not like the naïve boy who sought after irrational things like he used to. He settles into the crowd somewhat with ease, his charm never did leave him. There are new faces and the unfamiliarity makes him feel a little lost but he greets them all the same.

Then Bill sees him.

His heart jumps into his throat and the air escapes his lungs. He came back?

His shoulders are a little more broader but he still kept that lankiness. His hair's shorter but still retains the curls that used to wind around Bill's wrist. His eyes haven't changed, big round brown eyes that reminded Bill of a doe he'd accidentally stumbled upon in the woods and frightened off. He's more confident, Bill idly thinks as his birthmark is more visible and not completely hidden as it used to be.

Bill's feet walk towards him without any command from his brain.

"Hi Dipper," he breathes out and hides the smugness that bursts in his chest when he still towers over the boy.

Dipper's eyes widen. "Bill...? I thought you left."

"I came back." He shrugs and Dipper turns his body to face Bill properly.

"Was it ... good?" Dipper asks shifting his weight back and forth on his legs.

"For a while," Bill replies. "Then it became repetitive, you know?"

"You weren't one to settle." Dipper states offhandedly.

A crease forms between Bill's brows as he looks at Dipper pleadingly. "I know I wasn't, but I was a kid and I was stupid."

Dipper wraps his arms around himself defensively. "Didn't feel entirely stupid to me."

"Can we talk?" Bill sounds hopeful and quickly adds. "Outside?"

Dipper looks at him hesitantly before nodding. He guides them through the crowd and out into the open air. The sun's setting and filters through the leaves lazily reminding Bill of the handful of sunsets they shared. It casts an orange hue over Dipper's face, highlighting his cheeks, painting his hair and making his eyes glow gold -- Bill's favourite colour.

"Why'd you come?" Bill queries, he mentally takes note of Dipper's arms still wrapped around his torso.

"Just came to visit," Dipper answers, "why did you come back?"

"I told you, it became–"

"–that's not what I mean." Dipper shakes his head and looks towards the sun and it makes him glow. "Why did you come back to ... me?"

Bill takes a tentative step forward and Dipper doesn't step back. "You're the only person that would believe me," he stretches his arms out and gently places his hands on Dipper's waist, a familiar feeling he's missed. "It's a miracle I found you again."

Dipper let his arms drop, "I always came back you know." He quietly admits. "Always sat on the Shack's ledge expecting you to come out from the forest. You never did."

"I'm here now," Bill murmurs and gently pulls him closer. "I'm sorry."

"Not the first time I've heard that."

It's true.

There was a sorry after all the fights Bill had gotten himself involved in. Coming home with a bruised face and bloodied knuckles because he was always running to dangers. This was when Dipper started to invest into first aid kits.

There was a sorry after Natalie. That was a hard one. It was difficult trying to get his voice heard over the drip drop of Dipper's tears and the roar of his heart break.

The sorries after that, now those were harder. Getting his voice to travel over the grumble of Dipper's anger while avoiding the sharp knives of his words being thrown at him.

There weren't any to follow after that except this.

"I'm sorry," Bill drops his head and presses his forehead against Dipper's. "I mean it Dipper. I wouldn't have done any of it, if I knew you'd come back."

Dipper shuts his eyes and furrows his brows together before placing his hands on Bill's shoulders.

"My baby." Bill whispers and tightens his arms around Dipper.

It all falls back so easily.

They head back inside and someone has taken out a jukebox to crank out music. People are dancing and swaying and it fills Bill with nostalgia again.

The swing song fades out and surprisingly Dipper leads Bill towards the middle where most people are dancing. He can't fathom why Dipper out of all people would want to dance to it but the first lines of the song hit him.

It's their prom song.

Dipper grins up at him and places his left hand on Bill's shoulder and encases Bill's hand with his right. Bill flushes lightly and rests his hand against Dipper's waist again.

They sway slowly, just like they did prom night and Bill can see it vividly in the back of his head.

Dipper was wearing a suit with a navy blue tie, his hair gelled and a myrtle flower in his breast pocket that Bill had picked from a bush only minutes prior.

Bill had ditched his suit jacket long before prom even started and was only wearing a dress shirt and a waistcoat accompanied by a yellow bow tie.

Dipper's hair was curlier when he was seventeen, Bill used to poke pencils through the loops and laugh whenever Dipper got mad at him because he always ended up looking more grumpy than angry.

They danced like no one was watching and Bill felt proud because it took a lot of conviction from his side and distraction to keep Dipper's attention on him and not how awkward he thought he looked dancing.

Later that night Dipper would drag him upstairs lazily by the hand, pull him down into bed and give him everything.

Dipper's blunt nails dragging down his back and the firm grip of his calves around Bill's waist.

He would later tell him that he loved him.

Bill dips him at the end of the song and Dipper yells as he's suddenly lifted and flung downwards. He scrambles at Bill's shoulders causing him to topple over and ending up with both of them in a heap on the floor.

Dipper's howling and grabbing his sides and Bill can't help but join.

Two hours later they're both sitting on the ledge of the shack with Bill's leather jacket around Dipper's shoulders.

"Dipper."

"Hm?"

"I'm not saying to leave everything entirely but I'm willing to put the past behind us and focus on the present now."

Bill lets out a sigh. "I know I did a lot of things that I'm still held accountable for," Dipper snorts but Bill doesn't blame him, "but Pinetree I still love you."

The stars from the sky fall into Dipper's eyes while he looks at Bill endearingly. He doesn't say anything apart from "I love you too, I always have and I always will."

He leans in and captures his lips into a kiss.

For the first time in his life Bill is happy that he doesn't know it all and that all the unknown turns in his will involve Dipper, his Dipper.

The one who bandaged his hand and always pet his hair during thunderstorms because he was secretly afraid of them. The one who memorised each line engraved in his palm and counted the freckles on his cheeks on a summer too hot. The one who would hold him after a particularly bad day and wouldn't tell anyone if he cried and soaked Dipper's shirt through.

Bill pulls Dipper into his lap while his feet dangle over the ledge.

Dipper abruptly orders, "Don't you dare drop me."

"Wouldn't dream of it Pinetree."

He feels his chest burst with a warmth he welcomes, a warmth that settles deep into his bones and a warmth that's only evoked by holding Dipper in his arms.

He feels seventeen again.

**Author's Note:**

> hope you enjoyed!!  
> k/c/b✨


End file.
